The Apple of Averbukh's Eye

As I ventured over to Youtube to watch Mikahil Kolyada's The White Crow LP for about the 19301484th time during this famine of a figure skating season, a thought struck my mind like an ice pick to the skull: is Ilia Averbukh actually one of the best figure skating choreographers working today?

I know, to even suggest such a thing would undoubtedly condemn me as an unwashed neophyte among certain of the figure skating cognoscenti. After all, Mr. Averbukh is often remembered for his wacky interviews when not being denigrated for representing the worst excesses of early-2000s ice dance before the penitent wave of fresh, squeaky-clean Marina Zoueva teams cleansed ice dance of its sins.  I for one am not going to defend Jesus Christ Superstar or Fever.  Nor can I explain Mr. Averbukh's inexplicable decision to dump the legendary Marina Anissina for Irina Lobacheva.   

But judge a man by his deeds, not his choice of ice dance partner/wife.  So let's take a look at the evidence at hand here:

ISU Awards 2020: Predictions

Gather around, small children, and let me tell you the tale of the ISU Skating Awards.

Once upon a time, around 2019, the ISU--likely concerned with the perpetually-flagging popularity of figure skating relative to the halcyon days of the 1990s--decided that the best way to advance the noble cause of figure skating was to hold an awards show celebrating the sport's athletes, coaches, choreographers.  Now, this was not a terrible idea in and of itself--industry award shows ranging from the Academy Awards to the Grammy Awards essentially function as successful glorified public relations vehicles--but given that this was the ISU, of course they had to go about setting up the ISU Skating Awards in the most hilariously ham-fisted way that outraged the maximum amount of people possible.  How many ways has this gone wrong so far?  From belatedly announcing that the ISU Skating Awards would replace the traditional gala show at 2020 Worlds after thousands of fans had already purchased gala tickets to the fan voting website crashing multiple times, the list is legion . . . but perhaps the biggest controversy was the Anton Shulepov Holocaust costume scandal, which was handled in just about the worst way possible by the ISU and eventually resulted in a totally convincing (*cough*) apology from the ISU in which the ISU pretended to have nominated Mr. Shulepov's black turtleneck + black pants SP costume all along.  But then again, the Holocaust costume scandal did lead to the ISU Skating Awards being covered--albeit in a somewhat unflattering light--by multiple major news publications.  Perhaps the ISU are merely true believers in the old chestnut that there is no such thing as bad publicity?

Though it was assumed that the ISU Skating Awards suffered an early demise--or at the least, indefinite postponement--given the cancellation of the 2020 World Championships as a result of the on-going COVID-19 pandemic, the ISU recently announced that the show must go on indeed and that the ISU Skating Awards will be streamed virtually on July 11, 2020.

In anticipation of the event, the ISU has recently released the shortlist of nominees for the seven awards . . . so of course, here are my prognostications:

I Think About This A Lot: Evgenia Medvedeva's Averbukh-Era Choreography

One of my favourite online columns is The Cut's I Think About This A Lot, a column "dedicated to private memes: images, videos, and other random trivia we are doomed to play forever on loop in our minds."  Finally, I have found kindred spirits who are also willing to disclose the random detritus that stubbornly clings--unwanted, or at least unbidden--to the otherwise hollowed-out recesses of the mind.

If I were a contributor to the august entries of I Think About This A Lot, my first entry would undoubtedly be dedicated to Ilia Averbukh's choreography for Evgenia Medvedeva.  In a world where choreographers are content to have their charges skate to the 391391419th iteration of Bizet's Carmen or the same hackneyed versions of Romeo and Juliet, Mr. Averbukh--to his credit--tends to select unique choices of music for Ms. Medvedeva and kit them out with grandiose themes: clinical death, the suffering of the deaf, the ephemeral nature of life in the chaotic times of terrorism.  The presence of such sweeping program concepts of Deep Seriousness in the rather frothy milieu of figure skating, however, brings to mind Vladimir Nabokov's knowing remark that only a single letter separates the comic and the cosmic.

But it's not necessarily the wildly ambitious themes of Ms. Medvedeva's Averbukhian programs that are seared into my mind--no, it's the choreography that serves as the chassis for such themes. To be more specific, it's certain moments of choreography that go so far into the ludicrous, it circles all the way back around to . . . being entertaining? You know what I'm talking about:

2018 European Figure Skating Championships: Ladies Recap

The ladies event at the 2018 European Figure Skating Championships in Moscow, Russia set the stage for one of the most hotly-anticipated tête-à-têtes in figure skating this season: Evgenia Armanovna Medvedeva vs. Alina Ilnazovna Zagitova.  On stage left was reigning World and European Champion Evgenia Medvedeva: undefeated since November 2015, but convalescing from a foot injury that necessitated her absence from the competitive ranks for months.  On stage right was upstart Alina Zagitova: reigning World Junior, Grand Prix Final and Russian National Champion, undefeated in the senior ranks since her senior debut this season at the Lombardia Trophy.  Dare I slip in a metaphor here about an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object? Throw in the fact that Ms. Medvedeva and Ms. Zagitova both train under the sharp, disapproving eye of Eteri Tutberidze, and here we have 2018's version of Michelle Kwan and Tara Lipinski circa 1998, if Michelle Kwan and Tara Lipinski both trained under Frank Carroll and were even more dominant than they were in 1997-98 (really--do you see Ms. Zagitova losing anything to a Laetitia Hubert-like skater anytime soon?). Or would the more relevant comparison be to Alexei Yagudin and Evgeni Plushenko in 2002 (history of sharing a coach; unparalleled rivalry at the top of the field; Russian)? Take your pick . . . though I suppose the results of the Pyeongchang Olympics will determine which comparison is more apt.

2018 European Championships: Ladies

The Queen is dead; long live the Queen (?)

Recap: 2017 Rostelecom Cup: Men & Ladies

Last weekend, the senior Grand Prix of Figure Skating officially kicked off with the Rostelecom Cup of Russia in Moscow, Russia! Despite the suspense of seeing the debut of new programs somewhat muted by the increasingly large amount of skaters participating in the Challenger Series, questions nonetheless abounded prior to this year's iteration of the Rostelecom Cup: was Yuzuru Hanyu really going to go for the 4Lz? How many points was Evgenia Medvedeva was going to win by in the ladies field?? Were any skaters going to make Tatiana Tarasova go into paroxysms of ecstasy live on air???

2017 Russian Test Skates: Day One (Ladies and Men)

Some snap observations / reactions to Day One of the Russian men's and ladies' test skates this season, i.e., the first look at many of the Russian skaters' new programs this season . . . please insert usual caveats about how the performances at the test skates are often rough drafts of what the skaters' programs will look like during the actual season, how skaters are not quite in fighting shape at this point of the year, etc., etc.

Various Russian Ladies' LPs: Part II

This is the very belated second part of my post dedicated to reviewing the Russian ladies' long programs this in the 2015-2016 season.

Note: Freshly unearthed from the Morozombie private archives, I originally wrote this post around December 2015/January 2016 some time after the 2015-2016 Russian Championships, but inexplicably never published it for some reason. Better late than never, I guess?

2017 World Team Trophy: 20 Questions

Twenty questions about everyone's favorite end-of-season cheesefest . . .

2017 Worlds: Ladies Review

Kaetlyn in red
Gabby in blue
Evgenia is World Champion (again)
Will she win the Olympics too?
   

Russian Test Skates 2016: Ladies SPs

First impressions of the new ladies short programs at the Russian test skates this season! Please insert usual caveats when it comes to evaluating early-season performances at a non-competitive event . . .

Grand Prix Final 2015: Everyone Else

The men were so awesome they get their own post. Everything else that happened at the senior Grand Prix Final 2015 goes in here.

Let's do this twenty questions style: