ISU Awards 2020: Predictions

Gather around, small children, and let me tell you the tale of the ISU Skating Awards.

Once upon a time, around 2019, the ISU--likely concerned with the perpetually-flagging popularity of figure skating relative to the halcyon days of the 1990s--decided that the best way to advance the noble cause of figure skating was to hold an awards show celebrating the sport's athletes, coaches, choreographers.  Now, this was not a terrible idea in and of itself--industry award shows ranging from the Academy Awards to the Grammy Awards essentially function as successful glorified public relations vehicles--but given that this was the ISU, of course they had to go about setting up the ISU Skating Awards in the most hilariously ham-fisted way that outraged the maximum amount of people possible.  How many ways has this gone wrong so far?  From belatedly announcing that the ISU Skating Awards would replace the traditional gala show at 2020 Worlds after thousands of fans had already purchased gala tickets to the fan voting website crashing multiple times, the list is legion . . . but perhaps the biggest controversy was the Anton Shulepov Holocaust costume scandal, which was handled in just about the worst way possible by the ISU and eventually resulted in a totally convincing (*cough*) apology from the ISU in which the ISU pretended to have nominated Mr. Shulepov's black turtleneck + black pants SP costume all along.  But then again, the Holocaust costume scandal did lead to the ISU Skating Awards being covered--albeit in a somewhat unflattering light--by multiple major news publications.  Perhaps the ISU are merely true believers in the old chestnut that there is no such thing as bad publicity?

Though it was assumed that the ISU Skating Awards suffered an early demise--or at the least, indefinite postponement--given the cancellation of the 2020 World Championships as a result of the on-going COVID-19 pandemic, the ISU recently announced that the show must go on indeed and that the ISU Skating Awards will be streamed virtually on July 11, 2020.

In anticipation of the event, the ISU has recently released the shortlist of nominees for the seven awards . . . so of course, here are my prognostications:

Mediocre Men

Note: I wrote the following post around January 2018, but never published it for various reasons.  Thankfully, my dim prognosis of the men's event at the 2018 Pyeongchang Olympics turned out to be incorrect: contrary to my gloomy expectations, the men for the most part skated well, and the most well-rounded and complete men's performances even made it to the podium (!).

For entertainment purposes, I've decided to dust this post off and publish it now . . .

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With the uppermost echelons of the men's discipline firmly engaged in the high-risk, high-rewards quads arms race, the judges improperly lumping together the skaters' Program Components Scores with insufficient differentiation between the skaters, and a storied history of major implosions and/or nerves among the top competitors, there is a good chance that the men's event at the Pyeongchang Olympics will be a splatfest of major proportions.

This is disappointing, not only because it is painful to watch skaters' lifelong, Olympic-themed dreams crumble amidst bitter tears and the gnashing of teeth in front of literal millions, but also because the men's event at the past three Olympic games have also been absolutely dismal, featuring not only poor performances in terms of completed content but also mediocre programs and choreography.*  Let's take an unpleasant, but mercifully brief, stroll down memory lane . . .

Yuzuru Hanyu, 2014 and 2018 Olympic Champion

An extraordinary victory for an extraordinary skater.

Yuzuru Hanyu "Just Wants to Have a Chill Time" This Season

OSAKA, Japan - Addressing a group of reporters at a press conference held prior to the upcoming Grand Prix of Figure Skating event, the 2017 NHK Trophy, Yuzuru Hanyu told reporters that he "just wants to have a chill time" during the current 2017-2018 figure skating season.

Wearing a baseball cap turned backwards and languidly gesturing with a half-empty can of beer, the Sendai-born figure skater shrugged and said, "life's short, dude. No point in stressing about stuff that's going to happen in the future."

Recap: 2017 Rostelecom Cup: Men & Ladies

Last weekend, the senior Grand Prix of Figure Skating officially kicked off with the Rostelecom Cup of Russia in Moscow, Russia! Despite the suspense of seeing the debut of new programs somewhat muted by the increasingly large amount of skaters participating in the Challenger Series, questions nonetheless abounded prior to this year's iteration of the Rostelecom Cup: was Yuzuru Hanyu really going to go for the 4Lz? How many points was Evgenia Medvedeva was going to win by in the ladies field?? Were any skaters going to make Tatiana Tarasova go into paroxysms of ecstasy live on air???

A Damascene Conversion

There is a god, and his name is Yuzuru Hanyu.

Smooth Moves

One aspect of skating that has particularly received a great deal of attention (disproportionate attention, some would say!) in the IJS era is transitions--particularly transitions before jump elements.  With pre-jump transitions being doubly rewarded in both the Program Components Scores as well as in the grade of execution scores, it behooves skaters to cram in something before a jump so that the judges can accordingly reach for the upper registers on their scoresheets. Unfortunately, this tendency towards rewarding transitions before jumping passes has often resulted in careless, split-second moves in the field elements or sloppy steps wedged in before jumps that fail to reflect the music or overall choreography . . . but that is a subject for another day.  Instead, today we will reflect on the pre-jump transitions that thrill and excite, and/or memorably serve some higher interpretative purpose.  In that vein, the following list includes some of my favorite pre-jump transitions from both the 6.0 and IJS eras:

Stuff I Like: Top Ten of 2016-2017

Without further ado, my favorite performances from the 2016-2017 season . . .

2017 World Team Trophy: 20 Questions

Twenty questions about everyone's favorite end-of-season cheesefest . . .

2017 Worlds: Men's Review

So I figured I better write this review before the World Team Trophy . . . 

On Ecstatic Experience

To paraphrase David Foster Wallace, watching figure skating on a screen is to live figure skating pretty much as watching pornography is to the felt reality of human love. Nowhere have I been more reminded of this fact than when I witnessed* Yuzuru Hanyu skate his Hope and Legacy long program at the 2017 World Figure Skating Championships in Helsinki last week.

Grand Prix Final 2015: the Men

For the past few years, the men's discipline in figure skating has been steadily acquiring the enviable reputation of being a splatfest. Indeed, the past three Olympics have been generally disastrous for the men, multiple World Championships have been marred by mediocre performances making the podium, and much ink has been spilled on how the quest for the almighty quads have more often than not pushed the men into meltdown mode when the chips were on the table (or so to speak).

All this makes what happened tonight at the Grand Prix Final in Barcelona all the more incredible. What was in the water in Barcelona? I don't know, but whatever it is, I hope it makes its way to Pyeongchang in 2018 so we can have a non-disastrous men's competition at the Olympics for once. The top four of this event had such amazing LPs tonight it was hard to believe they were mostly the same men who had imploded at various times at big events throughout the past few years. What a great night of skating, in both the quality of the performances delivered and the sheer difficulty of the programs. Indeed, it was probably one of the finest nights of men's skating in recent memory.

Stuff I Like: Grand Prix 2015 (Part I)

If one were to choose one word that would be the least descriptive adjective used to describe the 2014-2015 Grand Prix of Figure Skating, it would be 'predictable.' Indeed, from the unprecedented cancellation of Trophee Eric Bompard to the veritable horde of skaters on some sort of a comeback campaign, a good number of preconceptions about the Grand Prix prior to this season have undoubtedly turned out to be laughably wrong (including mine, of course). But unpredictable as it has been, the Grand Prix has definitely not been bereft of memorable performances. Here are my favorite performances from the ladies' and the men's disciplines from this Grand Prix season:

2015 Worlds Recap: the Men

Given the quality of the men's skating in previous events of late, I was expecting meltdowns left, right, and center for the men at 2015 Worlds. Fortunately, the quality of the men's event was not all that bad! Therein lies the benefits of low expectations . . .

Favorite Performances of 2014

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a figure blog on the cusp of a new year, must write a retrospective listing favorite performances from the year past. And so here are mine for 2014.

Note that I said "favorite," which may or may not necessarily correspond with "best." Insert usual caveats such as de gustibus non est disputandum, etc., here.

The Voices of a Generation

Moments from around the world of figure skating this season, captured in the words of millennials unearthed from that repository of millennial musings known as "Tumblr".

Grand Prix Final 2014, Day 3: One Sentence Reviews (Part I)

The Grand Prix Final, though not a competition with quite the prestige factor or importance of the World Championships, features the top skaters going head-to-head for the first time in the season and thus can provide viewers with a rough idea of the present pecking order so far.

Having an idea of the current pecking order had been especially important in ice dance, given that the retirements of Davis/White and Virtue/Moir as well as the dissolution of Ilinykh/Katsalapov created a conspicuous vacuum at the discipline's apex which quite a few teams have scrambled to fill during the Grand Prix season. Similarly, even though the men have not be roiled by retirements to the same extent as their counterparts in ice dance, injuries and implosions have created a sense of turmoil among the rank and file.

Grand Prix Final 2014, Day 2 - One Sentence Reviews

Brevity is the soul of wit, Shakespeare says.

For this post at least, I agree.

Be Still My Heart

Man, this is getting embarrassing.

My feelings towards Yuzuru Hanyu's skating is increasingly starting to resemble a love life far more exciting than my own. In 2011, I waxed lyrical about Mr. Hanyu through various infatuated paeans dedicated to his utter perfection. Of course, all that came crashing down by the fall of 2012 through to the summer of 2014, when I disavowed any preferences for Mr. Hanyu's skating and even likened the whole shebang to a divorce. As the various hyperlinks posted above demonstrate, the trajectory of this roller-coaster state of affairs is all messily documented online on this very blog. Ah, Internet, my outlet for catharsis.

But enter fall 2014. It is announced that Mr. Hanyu is going to skate to Chopin's Ballade No. 1 for his short program. Of course, I turn up my nose in disdain, brace myself for the butchery of my second-favorite piece of music ever and watch Mao Asada's Ballade exhibition instead for comfort. Then I hear the choreographer will be Jeffrey Buttle, whom I adore and obviously "gets" Mr. Hanyu's style far more than David Wilson. My nose lowers by approximately 15 degrees but remains not quite level.

Then I actually watch the program, and am stunned to silence.

DIY Music Selection

So you're a figure skater needing to choose music for your new program(s) this season. The vast repertoire of the world's music is at your fingertips . . . which, undoubtedly, is a daunting prospect. The abundance of choice is staggering: free choice may form the bedrock of the capitalist system in which we reside, but there's a whole lot of music out there to choose from. The feeling is akin to being a lifelong communist being exposed to an American supermarket for the very first time: where do we even begin? How do we even decide? The tyranny of choice can be oppressive indeed.

But fear not, young padawan--Morozombie is here to help with a simple way to choose your figure skating music for the season. All you need to do is take a simple quiz. Add one point for each "yes" answer to the following questions unless otherwise indicated: