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Feb 18, 2015

Four Continents 2015: the Men

The men's event at Four Continents this year may have lacked the marquee name in men's figure skating outside of Europe, but that didn't mean there was nothing to see at the competition.

The men's event was easily won by Denis Ten, who won the competition by almost thirty points. However, Denis Ten, all things considered, isn't that hot. Don't get me wrong, he's not ugly, not hideous, but he's just not that hot. Denis is totally cute, especially when he smiles and wears that sleek dark clingy outfit in his long program this year. But . . . it's just that he could be way cuter, you know? He's like that guy you make out with a few times here and there, but . . . yeah. It's just a stretch that a cute guy who isn't that hot could win by thirty points, you know?

On the other hand, the silver medalist Josh Farris, who somehow scored almost thirty points less than Denis, is totally hot. Like, super, super hot. He's just a much hotter boy than Denis, in my opinion. Like, if Denis is the boy you'll make out with a few times, Josh is the boy whose name you write on your math binder and daydream about everyday. He's just so hot, you know? He's not just hot, he'll obviously be a great boyfriend because he's very sensitive and stuff. How do I know this, you might ask? I know because he plays guitar and sings and skates to these programs about heartbreak and stuff. Which is just super, super hot. But also sensitive. It's so weird that the judges just don't reward Josh for how hot he is. The judges are SO corrupt and unfair. They're probably just jealous of him.

Han Yan won the bronze medal. Han is totally cute, which makes him a great bronze medalist. OK, he's not as hot as Josh, but that's why Han finished below Josh (he he he). But one thing Han has over Josh is his hair--Han's hair is so gorgeous. It makes him look so cool and hot. Plus, he's really good at taking selfies, which is a HUGE plus since he'll be great at taking cute couple pics together.

There were some other skaters at the competition, but they weren't even that hot. Honestly, the guys at my school are hotter than some of the guys at this competition. I don't even know why people even bother to see them when they aren't even that hot or buff. Like . . . why should I even care?

Overall, however, I think that the Four Continents men's podium was way hotter than the men's podium at Europeans several weeks ago. Javier Fernandez is totally hot, maybe even as hot as Josh. But Maxim Kovtun has that weird squishy face thing going on, and Sergei Voronov is way too old (ew). At least Denis and Han are totally cute, even if they aren't as hot as Josh.

Note: this post is a tribute to the esteemed Peter K. Rosenthal.


  1. so after reading your review of the 4CC ladies I was expecting the same tone / manner of writing for the men's event and... this was not what I expected. I ended up laughing so hard I spat cabbages.

  2. One thing Europe has that 4CC doesn't: Michael Brezina!!!!

  3. Haha, I would have actually liked to hear your opinion on the skating, but I guess making a little fun of the current fangirly-ing that's going around the internet doesn't hurt.

    I feel compelled though to state that I actually REALLY like Mr. hottie Josh's skating. And I might have said before too that he sure is a handsome young man ;)

  4. I like Mr. Farris very much. But to be frankly I don't think of him as an hottie. And even though his skating skill is quite nice, he's still a bit slower than the top men, his edge doesn't generate enough speed. And his jumps in general don't have big flow (still flow but not big).

  5. Welcome back Morozombie!

    Now we know why Hanyu is first on your 2014 Favorites list - he is the hottest of them all!

  6. In a million times... Hanyu is not hot. Cute but hot? Not the right word about Hanyu.

    1. Have you ever visited tumblr???...

    2. I have and despite the adoration they don't give the impression that they think he's hot. Seriously the word hot is the last thing that came to my mind when I think of Hanyu.

    3. I think Hanyu is the hottest of all because he is a cute hottie, or a hot cutie (as you prefer :p). This combination is definitely lethal (like his smile could brighten up a whole town and when he turns around you cannot take your eyes off his booty). Ok I'm gonna stop talking now ^^

    4. I like Yuzuru and I do think he is adorable. But when people call him hot/sexy, my face is tecnically like this: