Apocalypse Now: GPF 2010 Menfolk and Ladies

Seriously, what the hell is going on? Who has offended the skategods?

There have been so many unlikely occurrences at the GPF this year, it must be a sign of the upcoming apocalype. Or hell freezing over. Or anything luridly horrible.

So without further ado, the top five WTF moments of the GPF menfolk and ladies results:

1) Alissa "Headcase" Czisny winning the ladies event
Seriously, who gave Miss Czisny a lobotomy? When was the last time she put together two half-way decent skates at a major event? When has Miss Czisny, declared over-the-hill seasons ago, even won a major ISU event? Color me surprised.

2) Patrick Chan not falling a single time the entire competition
Mr. Chan, he of the 8 falls in his last two competitions, actually completed an event without polishing the ice with his posterior even once! Though he had a very close shave on his second 3A during the LP, he deserves a mention on this list for this momentous occasion. In a not-so-WTF moment, he of course received ridiculous, through-the-roof scores for managing this apparently awesome feat despite the bobbles throughout the program....

3) Patrick Chan receiving a 9.00 in interpretation
Mr. Chan has excellent skating skills and lots of transitions. So give him high 8s or even 9s in those categories, especially skating skills. No problem there. But a 9.00 in interpretation?! What are the judges smoking? (Chan-crack, apparently) It is rather dubious that Mr. Chan creates "personal and creative translation of the music to movement on ice"? It's skaters like Stephane Lambiel and Daisuke Takahashi--who move so beautifully on the ice, who clearly have such a natural sense of rhythm and tempo--that deserve 9s in interpretation. I cannot ever remember a time when Mr. Lambiel or Mr. Takahashi have ever received 9s--yet it is Mr. Chan, with nowhere near the musicality or interpretative ability, who does. The scoring of PCS is increasingly becoming more and more ludicrous--if not downright farcial--with results like this.

4) Carolina Kostner winning silver
Who hasn't written Miss "Headcase Extraordinaire" Kostner off at least once throughout her long and meltdown-laden career, especially this season with her charmingly mid-1980s jump content? Yet Miss Kostner has managed to win a silver with two fairly decent performances, albeit without a flip or lutz. Also in another not-so-WTF moment, Miss Kostner was given nice fat PCS by the judges. I wonder how much Miss Kostner will score when she gets her flip and lutz back, if she's already racking up the points with her current jump content.

5) Daisuke Takahashi being the Japanese man off the podium
Based on the results of the Grand Prix series, it was clear that a Japanese sweep was unlikely, given the presence of Mr. Chan. But who would have expected Mr. Takahashi to be the odd man out? Mr. Takahashi, unlike Mr. Chan during the Grand Prix series, was not propped up after giving a lackluster performance and actually finished last in the LP. Women around the world don sackcloth and weep.

As a bonus, top 3 not-so-WTF moments of the GPF:

1) Akiko Suzuki getting underscored...yet again
Like last year, Miss Suzuki suffered the unfortunate effects of being her country's number three (or number four, it looks like at this point). With her very good performances, Miss Suzuki deserved to be on the podium but was passed over by her energetic but sloppy compatriot and a lady with mid-1980s jump content. The indignity!

2) Nobunari Oda making a stupid mistake
After landing two beautiful, smooth-as-butter 3As....Mr. Oda falls on his 2A? But in the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter. Mr. Oda could've probably landed 4 quads and still would've finished behind Mr. Chan, given the monster score Mr. Chan racked up with his relatively blah performance.

3) Patrick Chan is overmarked
Grass is green, water is wet, and Mr. Chan nearly breaks the world record with a bobble-filled performance that was skated straight through the music.

Just another day in the world of figure skating.