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Dec 12, 2010

Morozombie Christmas Wishlist: Menfolk

It's December and we all know what that means...Christmas!

Santa Claus may want to bring gifts to all good little children but Morozombie Claus has another target audience in mind...skaters! Here are some of the entries on Morozombie Claus' gifting list:

Takahiko Kozuka is blessed with superb skating skills, but the fact that he spends much time looking down on the ice and being introverted unfortunately does not help with his PCS...even though categories such as skating skills apparently have nothing to do with projection and performance (but I digress). Ergo, Morozombie Claus has decided correct this unfortunate state of affairs by bestowing upon Mr. Kozuka the egos of three of figure skating's most inflated egos. May this bring some balance to the figure skating world!

As we have seen throughout the season (except for the GPF), Patrick Chan spends much of his time polishing the ice during his competitions. Even if this does not seem to harm Mr. Chan's competition results that much, it is obviously quite detrimental to his posterior. So Morozombie Claus will gift Mr. Chan with crash pads--that is, padded protective equipment that will absorb the impact of falling.

After violating the extra combination rule so many times to costly consequences, Morozombie Claus has decided that a calculator would be the perfect gift for Nobunari Oda. Counting and simple math has some practical purposes outside of the classroom, and what better than a calculator to realize this?

Daisuke Takahashi is the most complete male skater in the world right now, but fate and the skategods have not been kind to him. From a severe knee injury that took him out for an entire season before the Olympics to the serious collision with Mr. Kozuka just before this weekend's Grand Prix Final, things do not look good on the injury front for Mr. Takahashi, who looked quite worn out at the Grand Prix Final. Accordingly, Morozombie Claus will bequeath holy prayers and godly blessings upon Mr. Takahashi, to keep him happy and healthy until (hopefully) Sochi 2014, should he decide to continue that much further.

Armin Mahbanoozadeh gave one of the more memorable performances on the Grand Prix circuit this season with his Avatar LP and won a surprise bronze medal to boot. For actually making Morozombie Claus sit up and pay attention during an otherwise fairly pedestrian GP event, Morozombie Claus will fulfill Mr. Mahbanoozadeh's heart's desire and somehow get Mao Asada to give Mr. Mahbanoozadeh a call.

1 comment:

  1. Well done!!! Everything's so funny!! I love the calculator part and the first montage with Plushenko, Lysacek and Chan's reading your posts!Thanks!!