Morozombie's Crystal Ball: Grand Prix Final 2010

Count Daisuke von Tango

To be honest, I usually avoid making predictions like the plague, mostly because my predictions often backfire on me, albeit sometimes to hilarious results.

Fortunately, the limited number of participants in the Grand Prix Final leaves less room for error, so without further ado...

MENFOLK. 
1) Daisuke Takahashi
2) Patrick Chan
3) Takahiko Kozuka

Mr. Chan will continue his human zamboni impersonations and thus will fall four times again throughout the Grand Prix Final. Alas, the judges--on the advice of Lori Nichol--have been heavily smoking the Chan crack this season and will award him with the gold medal...if it wasn't for the presence of Mr. Takahashi. The only antidote to the Chan crack this season appears to be hypnotizing gaze of Mr. Takahashi. Mr. Takahashi will probably make a mistake or two, but unlike Mr. Chan, is unlikely to fall four times.

Mr. Kozuka will build upon his strong showing at Trophee Eric Bompard last weekend and skate well, but although the judges at Trophee Eric Bompard have begun to recognize his existence by awarding him some well-deserved 8s in PCS, the judges at the Grand Prix Final will be too busy lighting up on their Chan crack and being seduced by Mr. Takahashi to remember that Mr. Kozuka does indeed exist and can indeed skate.

LADIES. 
1) Miki Ando
2) Akiko Suzuki
3) Kanako Murakami

That's right, I'm predicting a Japanese sweep for the ladies. The touch of The Morozov is strong with Miss Ando and no matter how Morozombied her choreography may be, Miss Ando's reputation and jumps will keep her afloat in this watered-down field. Miss Suzuki appears to be less likely to skate clean programs this season, so a couple of mistakes will keep her from the gold. Miss Murakami is slotted in third mostly because the judges clearly are less than impressed by whatever Rachael Flatt does, and because Carolina Kostner and Alissa Czisny, being everyone's favourite headcases, will each bomb at least one of the segments.

PAIRS.
1) Savchenko/Szolkowy
2) Pang/Tong
3) Sui/Han

If you thought the ladies' field was watered down, the pairs field is definitely a good-sized lake. If the judges have even a smidgen of appreciation for skating ability and quality, they will award the gold to Savchenko/Szolkowy, who are clearly the class of this field. Pang/Tong seem to have gone downhill this season and should probably retire, but their reputation and the location of this event will prop them up for the time being. Sui/Han, the strangely tolerable young Chinese pair, will also benefit from the hometown bonus and I have this strange gut feeling about this team.

ICE PRANCE.
1) Davis/White
2) Pechalat/Bourzat
3) Bobrova/Soloviev

I am so underwhelmed by ice dance as a whole this season, I can't even be bothered to justify my choices.