Irrelevant Information

May 2, 2011

Maleficent Mao



NOTE: THIS POST IS ENTIRELY SATIRICAL. Seriously, people!  
It has come to my attention that certain Internet forums have been aflutter with reports, mostly stemming from this article revealing that Mao Asada's lavender 'barnacle boob' costume this season was designed by Canadian designer Josiane Lamond. Ms. Lamond had previously designed Yu-Na Kim's costumes when she was still under the tutelage of Brian Orser.  This, according to intrepid Internet sleuths, is clear and convincing proof that Miss Asada was obviously trying to reach out to Mr. Orser, former coach of Miss Asada's rival Miss Kim and that Miss Asada's pernicious efforts to derail the former Dream Team of Mr. Orser and Miss Kim were indeed a major part of the Orser-Kim split.

Now, many people have pooh-poohed this incident as yet another unhinged conspiracy theory, the latest ramblings sprouted from fans smarting after the defeat of their favorite, but ignoring these CLEAR AND CONVINCING FACTS demonstrates a willful ignorance of how costumes have historically been used in the psychological mind-game that is the typical figure skating competition.


An oft-repeated and well-known incident of how the choice of costume designers demonstrate malevolent attempts to one-up rivals is the case of Johnny Weir and Evan Lysacek. In 2005-2006, Mr. Weir went to famed choreographer Tatiana Tarasova and acquired a new short program set to the music of Camille Saint-Saëns' The Swan. This, many feel, was one of Mr. Weir's best programs ever and it even earned him a second-place finish in the short program portion of the 2006 Olympics. Soon after, during the 2008-2009 season, Mr. Weir's rival Mr. Lysacek also went to Ms. Tarasova for choreography and costuming as well, resulting in Bolero and Rhapsody in Blue.

Now, given the lack of crosses on Mr. Weir's Swan costume, it is not entirely certain if Ms. Tarasova had a hand in designing the costume but really, there's little point in being a factinista here. After all, reality has a well-known anti-conspiracy bias. Instead, this is the truth, unfiltered by rational arguments: Mr. Lysacek clearly went to the same costume designer (not to mention choreographer!) that Mr. Weir used in the past, demonstrating his deleterious efforts to break up the Tarasova-Weir relationship and try to take away what Mr. Weir had. Thank goodness Ms. Tarasova had her hands full with 'coaching' Mao Asada in the next season, thereby foiling Mr. Lysacek's conscience-free ambitions to win Olympic gold. Oh wait...

Anyways, I for one am outraged to see how Miss Asada is following in the baleful footsteps of Evan "Snooki on ice" Lysacek in daring to use a costume designer that had previously been used by another figure skater! The horror, the horror! A suitable punishment would be a court order mandating that Miss Asada is to wear nothing but Tarasova creations for the entire Olympic cycle.

29 comments:

  1. This is getting so ridiculous. I kinda knew Kim's more rabid fans would create an uproar if she failed to win this time. But I feel they should give Mao a break. She wasn't the one who spoiled their Queen's quest this time.
    Apparently, everything once related to Yuna is considered exclusive property now. LOL.

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  2. HAHAHA!
    Oh god...Tarasova costumes for Mao have been nothing short of complete hot messes. Tarasova may be a great choreographer (sometimes), but she has awful taste in costumes.
    :)

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  3. I remember seeing Penguin/Minnelli Lysacek for the first time and actually clapping my hands with glee, because I figured he had completely lost his mind and his career was over. I guess I underestimated the healing power of a navy velvet tux and some Lori Nichol damage control. I'd really love to know who designed Mao's heinous new SP dress. I wish the quality of her costumes matched the refinement of her skating--it's sad when a dress that is most notable for its barnacle boobs is a vast improvement.

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  4. I would say that JSF is behind the "Maleficent" Mao.
    They wanted All that Miss Kim had.
    They were successful to get all but Wilson.(Not Orser yet, but broken up with Kim)
    The result? It does not matter with the costume,designer, or coach.
    It became just a failure of a normal skater.
    I am not sure they(JSF & Mao) know the meaning of "Boomerang"--something, as a scheme or argument, that does injury to the originator.

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  5. Here comes the first bot. I don't think they get the sarcasm of this post.

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  6. Thank you! Mao Bot.
    You guys always try to distort the truth as JSF's bigger body not even admitting what they made until now to their people who lost thier loved ones by human(not natural) disaster in March.
    I do not care about Evan/Johnny story or american sarcasm in this article.
    I just want to enjoy seeing how the dirty scheme gets revealed by "Boomerang".
    Thank you again to Mao Bots.

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  7. Yuna,yunabots all crazy,neurotic and paranoiac!
    Koreans!

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  8. Here comes the Mao Bots' typical response. boring....like Miki's jumping-machine like performance or Mao's paranoiac to 3 axel.
    You guys need some change from "Maleficent" to "Magnificent".

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  9. Hey King Flower, go troll somewhere else. It's a bit amusing that you're arguing with yourself (it's clear that you're Anonymous at 9:06), but more sad than anything.

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  10. Morozombie, you know you've hit it big once the bots come over! I just hope they can move on from Mao and Yu-na and try to actually understand the sport beyond them. I can't wait for Dick Button-bots.

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  11. Hi, Morozombie.
    I was offended by "Anonymous" calling me "bot".
    I am telling the truth behind the story, not a distortion at all.
    Anyway, that was good to know that you know that now.
    Thank you for your advice.

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  12. Most Korean FS fans have known this story very well.
    Designer reported that she made Mao's this season costume. The problem's not a costume but JSF(not Mao) had access to the Yuna's team and tried to disturb. Japanese don't recognize it and ALWAYS say "yuna's fans are crazy! they are liar!"
    Well...I believe the truth will win someday

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  13. I do love such an intrigue. lol
    Well, Yuna's costumes were lovely. I hope to see her in them again.
    Whereas Mao Asada's costumes were (especially SP)...well...let's just say it rendered me speechless.

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  14. http://www.thestar.com/sports/olympics/article/852218--korean-gold-medallist-distraught-as-coaching-controversy-swirls

    Korean gold medallist distraught as coaching controversy swirls


    [I(=Orser) know that they will grow from this and maybe they’ll learn something from this, because coaches are people and <<>> are people and you have to be kind of prepared to make changes]



    http://www.yubijoux.com/?p=257

    La robe de la championne du monde japonaise Mao Asada: une création québécoise!
    ---The dress of the Japanese world champion Mao Asada: a creation of Quebec!

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  15. http://www.thestar.com/sports/olympics/article/852218--korean-gold-medallist-distraught-as-coaching-controversy-swirls

    Korean gold medallist distraught as coaching controversy swirls


    [I(=Orser) know that they will grow from this and maybe they’ll learn something from this, because coaches are people and costume designers are people and you have to be kind of prepared to make changes]



    http://www.yubijoux.com/?p=257

    La robe de la championne du monde japonaise Mao Asada: une création québécoise!
    ---The dress of the Japanese world champion Mao Asada: a creation of Quebec!

    ReplyDelete
  16. e-mail from Brian ORSER to KIM Yuna

    [
    Date : Sun, 25 Apr 2010 20:46:04

    Hi Yuna, hope you are well and getting some rest.

    I am sure you have heard some of the rumors that have been going around about Mao. I just want you to know that I am loyal to you and am always here for you.

    Her agency did inquire about me (and team ) working with her, I told them that you are my first priority.

    I have to say that I was flattered she has an interest, but your skating comes first.

    Let me know if you have any concerns or thoughts. I wanted to contact you and tell you how this all happened.

    When are you arriving? and do you have any idea what you are feeling for next year?

    All the kids are missing you here at the club.

    Please be in touch. B
    ]




    -----Her(=ASADA Mao) agency did inquire about me (and team )-----

    Team means---Brian Orser(coach) + David Wilson(choreographer) + Tracy Wilson(coach) + music director + costume designer

    The costume designer that ASADA Mao wanted to steal from KIM Yuna is Josiane Lamond. [http://www.yubijoux.com http://www.yubijoux.com/?p=257]

    ReplyDelete
  17. E-mail from Brian ORSER to KIM Yuna

    [
    Date : Sun, 25 Apr 2010 20:46:04

    Hi Yuna, hope you are well and getting some rest.

    I am sure you have heard some of the rumors that have been going around about Mao. I just want you to know that I am loyal to you and am always here for you.

    Her agency did inquire about me (and team ) working with her, I told them that you are my first priority.

    I have to say that I was flattered she has an interest, but your skating comes first.


    When are you arriving? and do you have any idea what you are feeling for next year?

    All the kids are missing you here at the club.

    Please be in touch. B
    ]




    -----Her(=ASADA Mao) agency did inquire about me (and team )-----

    Team means---Brian Orser(coach) + David Wilson(choreographer) + Tracy Wilson(coach) + music director + costume designer

    The costume designer that ASADA Mao wanted to take from KIM Yuna is Josiane Lamond.

    [http://www.yubijoux.com http://www.yubijoux.com/?p=257]

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  18. LOL @ Yunabots actually taking this post seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm sorry, what's a "bot"? Never heard of that word before...

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  20. http://www.thestar.com/sports/figureskating/article/979958--starkman-skate-rivalry-boils-over-on-and-off-ice


    Kim has not competed all season and this is her first event since a well-publicized and messy breakup last summer with coach, and Canadian skating icon, Brian Orser.

    [[[Asada played a bit of a role in that divorce.]]]

    She’d approached Orser to see if he’d be interested in coaching her if Kim retired from competitive skating, which she was contemplating. Orser let Kim’s people know he had another offer on the table. That he’d even consider working with Asada was apparently viewed as the ultimate betrayal.

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  21. Hey Mao!! Costumes wii not save your ass. you stole Yuna's desighner. but your place in world is 6th. you had better learn basic jump skills not steal rival's desighner.
    And Don't be pretent to be a victim again. Disgustia!

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  22. Mao ,Wow! What kind of two time world champion does build her jumps every year?
    it is very sad thing two time world champion has no basics and fundamentals.

    I predict she will announce to correct her jumps again. same repetitions every year...
    What can novices and juniors learn from two time world champion? She is 21 years old.

    She should have learned her basics in early ages, not now.. it is too late , maybe she knows it.

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  23. Mao should be the role model of Japanese skaters like Midori Ito..

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  24. LOL. Some of these comments are just so.....
    I don't know if these 'bots' are aware that this post is actually poking fun at them. Or maybe they don't care. They just need any incentive to make trollish comments.

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  25. Fact : The designer of Mao's costumes this season used to be Yuna's designer until last year..
    I think it's immoral to steal rival's designer..

    That kind of act spoiled Mao by JSU..
    Mao didn' need to learn basics and fundamentals because JSU even turned the scoring system for
    Mao's favor..

    Mao rule last year.. What a convenience!

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  26. Oh my, can't believe people are taking this article so seriously, and posting such ridiculous comments! If I were Yuna, I would be a little scared to have fans who take their fandom to such extremes.

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  27. Hey! Some wise wise wise(?) guys....

    Please, don't try desperately to make Yuna fans look extreme.

    Don't dilute with the sentence like this... [blah blah blah...why you fans take this article serious....blah blah blah]

    Who doesn't know that this article is 'Satire' or just a private opinion in blog?

    They just want to make it clear that Mao Asada played a role in the break up between Yuna Kim and Brian Orser last year, regareless of this article.

    They know most parts of the truth about the split, because there are much evidence.

    The truth will say in the end.

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  28. -just up there-

    "correction" about mistyping error.

    regareless of this article.(x)--- regardless of this article.(o)

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  29. @ 4:30

    People aren't dismissing certain Yunafans because you guys took this satirical blogpost seriously, but the fact that some Yunafans truly and genuinely believe in these crazy paranoid conspiracy theories about the Kim/Orser split.

    And this, in essence, is exactly what this blogpost is mocking.

    ReplyDelete