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Aug 7, 2011

The N. Morozombie drinking game

Because skating and booze go together like...Brian Joubert and tight pants. Michelle Kwan and gold medals. Tatiana Tarasova and fur coats. Yep.

Here lieth the rules of the Official N. Morozombie Drinking Game. Get thy posterior to Youtube, and put at least 7 programs choreographed by the wondrous Nikolai Morozov on your playlist, preferably programs where Mr. Morozov is also the coach and thus has complete control.  For the most authentic experience, use vodka as your libation of choice.

Take a sip every time:
-the skater strokes his/her face
-the skater is wearing velvet (two sips if the skater is wearing a velvet onesie)
-the skater is wearing illusion mesh that makes up at least 1/3 of the skater's costume
-the skater is wearing a costume that seems suspiciously similar to a costume worn by another Morozov student
-the skater starts an extended posing section (two if the skater starts vamping during said posing section)
-the skater is wearing a cross on his/her costume
-Mr. Morozov gets touchy-feely with his student in the kiss-and-cry
-you can tell Mr. Morozov is obviously neglecting his student by their interactions in the kiss-and-cry
-the program is obviously backloaded with a series of back-to-back jumping passes in the second half
-the skater relies on superfluous upper-body movements in lieu of actual choreography
-the camera pans to Mr. Morozov staring intensely and muttering under his breath (i.e. doing voodoo)
-the step sequence is the highlight of the program (two sips if the step sequence looks suspiciously familiar)

Start chugging when: 
-the skater is wearing velvet and illusion mesh and sequins
-the skater starts channeling the spirit of Eurotrash
-you fall asleep and manage to wake up right at the beginning of the ending step sequence because the music suddenly turns louder and faster
-the program is a crowd-pleaser but fails to showcase a mastery of skating skills and transitions past the 6-7 range
-the program is a snooze and fails to showcase a mastery of skating skills and transitions past the 6-7 range

Drink everything in sight when:
-the skater is wearing velvet and illusion mesh and sequins and a onesie
-your inner elitist skating snob feels guilty for actually liking/enjoying a Nikolai Morozov program


  1. I just watched a new short program he made for Leonova and then read this post - everything is so true. I could definitely get drunk by watching that program alone :)

  2. I'd be three sheets to the wind by the time I got to program number 3! Lol! It's sad b/c it's true...

    I love your blog! Check mine out sometimes! :)

  3. Are you trying to give me alcohol poisoning?